The books you think I wrote
are way too thick.
Who needs a thousand metaphors
to figure out you shouldn't be a dick?
And I don't watch you when you sleep.
Surprisingly I don't use my omnipotence
to be a fucking creep
You're not going to heaven
Why the fuck would you think I'd ever kick it with you?
None of you are going to heaven
There's a trillion aliens cooler than you
You shouldn't abstain from rape
just 'cause you think that I want you to
You shouldn't rape
'cause rape is a fucked up thing to do
(Pretty obvious, just don't fucking rape people,
please, didn't think I had to write that one down for you)
I don't think masturbation is obscene
It's absolutely natural
and the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen
You make my job a living hell;
I sent gays to fix overpopulation
And, boy, did that go well
You're not going to heaven
Eat a thousand crackers
Sing a million hymns
None of you are going to heaven
You're not my children
You're a bad game of Sims
You shouldn't abstain from pork
just 'cause you think that I want you to
You can eat pork
'cause why the fuck would I give a shit?
(I created the universe,
think I'd draw the line
at the fucking deli aisle?)
You argue and you bicker and you fight
Atheists and Catholics, Jews and Hindus argue day and night
Over what they think is true
But no one entertains the thought
that maybe God does not believe in you
You pray so badly for heaven
Knowing any day might be the day that you die
But maybe life on earth could be heaven
Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?
My love's the type of thing that you have to earn
And when you earn it you won't need it
My love's the type of thing that you have to earn
And when you earn it you won't need it
I'm not gonna give you love
just 'cause I know that you want me to
If you want love then the love's gotta come from you