«Oi fucks, let's eat 'ere, it looks niiice!»
Get me the manager!
«Oh dear, what seems to be the problem sir?»
First of all I was greeted with a grimace.
Service with a sneer —
He don't want to be here.
Second of all I was seated by the window,
and the draft was a serious inconvenience.
There was lipstick on my glass and it wasn't mine.
We put our order in — I can't believe the time!
This is a shambles, your cook is a heathen,
Your carpet is ugly and your veg ain't in season!
My impatience spread like gravy on a tablecloth.
And your head looks like it was carved out of a nut.
Rory C, well, tell ‘em…
«I was waiting in line for 10 whole minutes
This is unacceptable — you're pushing me to my limits!»
«Please don't raise your voice in here sir
This is a respected establishment,
I'm sure we can sort this out quietly no?»
Oh really? Well that's a great vase you got there,
It'd be a real shame if something happened to it…
Slipshod, kick it!
Cunt.