I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town,
I believe in God and Senator Dodd
And keeping old Castro down.
And when it came my time to serve,
I knew better dead than red,
But when I got to my old draft board,
Buddy, this is what I said:
‘Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse,
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat,
My asthma's getting worse.
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear,
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, and I'm going to school,
And I'm working in a defense plant.
I've got a dislocated disc and a racked up back,
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs,
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits,
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs.
I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes,
I can hardly reach my knees,
And if the enemy ever came close to me,
Well, I'd probably start to sneeze.
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse,
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat,
My asthma's getting worse.
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear,
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, and I'm going to school,
And I'm working in a defense plant.
I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies,
But I think you gotta see
That if someone's gotta go over there,
That someone isn't me.
So, have a ball, Sarge, watch 'em fall,
Yeah, kill me a thousand or so,
And if you ever get a war without any gore,
Well, I'll be the first to go.
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse,
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat,
My asthma's getting worse.
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear,
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, and I'm going to school,
And I'm working in a defense plant.
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse,
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat,
My asthma's getting worse.
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear,
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, and I'm going to school,
And I'm working in a defense plant.'