When you get a haircut,
Be sure
To go back home
When you get a haircut,
Get a barber
You have known
Since you were a little bitty boy
Sittin' in a booster chair
Or you might look
Like Larry, Moe or Curly
If a stranger cuts your hair
Well, Butte, Montana just a'passin' through,
One thing I just had to do
Had to get a haircut
And I was worried for my hair, oh
I had a feeling of impending doom
The minute I stepped into that room
Laid my eyes upon that barber chair
It was a macho barber shop.
Hair dryers were mounted
On a rifle rack.
There were no mirrors.
The barber chair was
A Peterbilt…
Barber walked in;
He was huge, seven feet tall,
Three hundred pounds of spring steel
And rawhide
Wearin' a hard hat, chewin' a cigar,
Had a t-shirt on said,
«I hate musicians».
Threw me in the chair, sneered
And said, «What'll it be pal?»
Now a lot of people would be intimidated
In a situation like this…
I was not.
I am what I am,
Play my piano,
And sing my little songs.
I looked him right in the eye
And I said, «I'm a logger —
Just up from Coos Bay, Oregon.
Been toppin' trees —
Quite possibly
Toughest man in the entire world».
He said, «All right!»
He gave me a haircut
And I walked out of there friends,
My hair was gone!
Made Kojak
Look like William Lee Golden.
Yeah, had a tremendous craving
To operate heavy equipment.
Now, you may think
That Butte, Montana haircut's
The worst
Any man could ever get…
Wrong!
Well, a few months later
I was in LA,
Truckin along
On a smoggy day
I needed a haircut
So bad I looked
Like Bozo the Clown
I was looking shaggy, not too good,
I'd put it off as long as I could
And Lord, I hate to get a haircut out of town
Well, I walked in and realized immediately
That this guy was into punk rock.
The walls were done in black leather.
Had chains and whips
And handcuffs hanging on me.
Barber walked in,
He had orange hair.
Black mascara.
Stainless steel teeth.
Black leather jacket with zinc studs.
He threw me in the chair,
Hit me a couple times —
Whap, whap —
Chained me down,
Threw a Nazi flag over me.
Said, I'm going to tell you something
That might make you a little nervous.
I laughed. Ha ha ha…
I said,
What could possibly make me nervous?
He said, I'm gay.
Nooo problem.
I'm not threatened in any way.
I mean,
I'm secure in my manhood,
Everything is cool
I am what I am,
Play my little piano,
Sing my little songs.
I looked him right in the eye.
I said, I'm a logger.
Played football in high school.
I was in the Marine Corps.
He said all right and he gave me a haircut.
I walked out of there, friends,
My hair was purple.
Well, at least
That Mohawk section down the middle was purple.
Had a white streak down one side…
Other side looked like Mr. T.
Had a couple safety pins in my cheeks.
Felt a teeeeny bit conspicuous.
Luckily, my next job was
In San Fransisco.
Shoot, I got there
And I didn't even stand out at all.
Wasn't even close!
Those people thought I was an insurance salesman!
Well, a few months later,
I was way down south —
Grits
And gravy
And hush your mouth
Hair so long
I'm startin' to look like a man in drag
It was then that the sheriff walked up and said,
«Boy, you got too much hair on your head…
You better get yourself a haircut or a dog tag»
Well, when I stepped into the shop,
I realized immediately that I was dealing
With a born-again barber.
Don't see too many barber shops
With a steeple,
Had an organ in the corner,
A choir,
An usher led me to the barber chair.
Barber walked in,
Started saying grace,
«Oh Lord, for these haircuts
We are about to receive,
May we be truly thankful.
Dominus possum pax probiscus, post mortem,
Et tu brute, puella carborundum».
He was sorta half-Baptist,
Half-Catholic…
Maybe a Cathtist.
He started cuttin' my hair
And preachin' at the same time.
I mean he's a wild man,
Scissors and razors a'flyin'
Around my head,
He's talkin' about the evils of dancin'
And drinkin' and liquor and sex
And wild women
And music and the music business.
Then he looked down at me and he said,
«What do you do for a livin' ahuh?»
Now, I'm not ashamed of what I do for a livin'.
Workin' bars and casinos,
Around liquor and wild women,
I just play my piano,
Sing my little songs.
I looked him right in the eye and I said,
«I run this church for loggers!»
When you get a haircut,
Be sure
To go back home
When you get a haircut,
Get a barber
You have known
Since you were a little bitty boy
sittin' in a booster chair
Or you might look
Like Larry, Moe or Curly
If a stranger cuts your hair… oh yeah!