[Jack Black (Narrator):]
A long-ass fucking time ago,
In a town called Kickapoo
There lived a humble family,
Religious through and through
But yea, there was a black sheep
And he knew just what to do
His name was young J.B.
And he refused to step in line
A vision he did see-eth,
Fucking rocking all the time
He wrote a tasty jam
And all the planets did align
Oh, the dragon's balls were blazin'
As I stepped into his cave
Then I sliced his fuckin' cockles
With a long and shiny blade
'Twas I who fucked the dragon,
Fuckalizing Fuckaloo
And if you try to fuck with me,
Then I shall fuck you too
Gotta get it on in the party zone
I got to shoot a load in the party zone
Gotta lick a toad in the party zone
Gotta suck a chode in the party zone…
AAH!
[Meat Loaf (Father):]
You've disobeyed my orders, son,
Why were you ever born?
Your brother's ten times better than you,
Jesus loves him more
This music that you play for us
Comes from the depths of hell
Rock and roll's The Devil's work,
He wants you to rebel
You'll become a mindless puppet,
Beelzebub will pull the strings
Your heart will lose direction
And chaos it will bring
You'd better shut your mouth, better watch your tone
You're grounded for a week with no telephone
Don't let me here you cry, don't let me hear you moan
You gotta praise The Lord when you're in my home
[Jack Black (J.B.):]
Dio, can you hear me?
I am lost and so alone
I'm askin' for your guidance,
Won't you come down from your throne?
I need a tight compadre
Who will teach me how to rock
My father thinks you're evil but man,
He can suck a cock
Rock is not The Devil's work,
It's magical and rad
I'll never rock as long as
I am stuck here with my dad
[Ronny James Dio (Dio on poster)]
I hear you brave young Jaybles,
You are hungry for the rock
But to learn the ancient method,
Sacred doors you must unlock
Escape your father's clutches
And this oppressive neighborhood
On a journey you must go
To find the land of Hollywood
In The City of Fallen Angels
Where the ocean meets the sand
You will form a strong alliance
And the world's most awesome band
To find your fame and fortune,
Through the valley you must walk
You will face your inner demons,
Now go my son and rock
[Jack Black (Narrator):]
So he bailed from fuckin' Kickapoo
With hunger in his heart
And he journeyed far and wide
To find the secrets of his art
But in the end he knew that
He would find his counterpart
Rock!
Rah-ha-ha-ha-hock!
Raye-yayayayaye-yock!