Barbra:
At words poetic I'm so pathetic
That I always have found it best
Instead of getting it off my chest
To let 'em rest unexpressed
I hate parading my serenading
As I'll probably miss a bar
But if this ditty is not so pretty
At least it'll tell you how great you are
You're the top, you're the Colosseum.
You're the top, you're the Louvre museum.
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss.
You're a Bendel bonnet, a Shakespeare sonnet,
You're Mickey Mouse.
You're the Nile
You're the tower of Pisa.
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa.
I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop.
But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top.
You're the top, you're Mahatma Ghandi.
You're the top, you are Napoleon brandy.
You're the purple light of a summer night in Spain.
You're the National Gallery, you're Garbo's salary,
You're cellophane.
You are sublime, you're a turkey dinner.
You're the time — the time of the Derby winner.
I'm a toy balloon that is fated soon to pop.
But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top, top.
Barbra:
Steve, there is something I got to tell ya..
Ryan:
What is it Judy?
Barbra:
Well, you're the top
Ryan:
I am?
Barbra:
You're a Wardolf salad
Ryan:
Oh no, no let me say it
You're the top
Barbra:
Me too?
Ryan:
Actually
You're a Berlin ballad
Barbra:
Oh, it’s nice
You're the nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire
Ryan:
Actually I don't dance very well
Barbra:
You're an O'Neill drama
Ryan:
You're Whistler's Mother
Barbra:
Mama
You're Camembert.
Ryan:
Camembert, well, let me see
You're a rose
Barbra:
Mmm, sweet
You're Inferno's Dante.
Ryan:
That's a very intellectual reference
You're the nose
Barbra:
Watch it!
Ryan:
I mean
Barbra:
What what what what what
Ryan:
On the great Durante.
Barbra:
That's better
I'm the lazy lout who is just about to storm
Ryan:
Let's not storm
Barbra:
But if baby I'm the bottom
Ryan:
She's the one for me
Barbra:
And I've got him
Coz if baby I'm the bottom
Ryan:
You're the top.