I don't do crack
I've never seen cocaine
Unfortunately, I rarely pop an aspirin when in pain
'Cause I wanna be
Of alcohol or any drug at all completely free
But I self medicate with tea
I know just where to go to get my fix
The beverage aisle
At Starbucks, I confess, I get my kicks
I'm not in denial
My oolong heals, your dealer deals for quite a hefty fee
So I self medicate with tea
It's not that I'm not miserable
As any old drunk
My life is no more bearable
Than any old junkie's
I'd jump out a window, suicide's a sin though
I've found another way
there's no amount I wouldn't pay
to overdose on earl gray or English breakfast
When I'm hopped up on caffeinated chai
I'm feeling the buzz
And when you asked if I'd like to get high
I already was
It's black or green or in between
Sometimes it looks like weed
But my self medicating
Improves my mental stating
I don't need to go to rehab
Or to set up a meth lab
I may be a cynic but the Betty Ford clinic
Isn't ever gonna break me from my habit of choice
It's my Opium, my Xanax, and it's good for my voice
I hope you comprehend my reasoning
Twinings, Liptons, even Celestial Seasonings
Keep you marijuana I've got my own remedy
I self, self medicate with tea
Boom
It's camomile, yeah