I'm Private Billy Parker.
I love my Uncle Sam.
By the way, I'm also gay
And proud of who I am.
I mentioned all of this to the recruiter in my town
And being gay himself, he told me what was going down.
«It's OK to be gay
In the Army of today.
Just don't say that you're gay
Or do anything that's fay.
If they ask, «What's with you?»
Which they can't, but if they do,
Zip your lip. Don't say boo.
And you're safe. They can't pursue,
Though your silence, per se,
Now alerts them that you're gay
For the least P.D.A.
They can strip your stripes away..
They can bust you before you can say «equality»
Just for being what it's now OK to be.»
So…
You'll have to serve your country in the closet.
You'll have to serve your country in the closet.
If you have the effrontery
To want to serve your country
You're going to have to serve it in the closet.
Senator Nunn was under the gun
So he launched a special probe,
Which found that gays upset your average normal homophobe.
«Can't be done,» said Senator Nunn.
«Why not?» said Bill and Al.
«You put the fruits in combat boots
And there goes your morale!
What if they reupholster things?
What if they cook and sew?
What if they ask the straights for dates?
What if the straight guys go?
What if they change our social norms?
Or redesign their uniforms?
What if they get in scrapes and fights?
What if they want their civil rights?
Can't be done!» said Senator Nunn.
«You can't please everyone.
Freedom must be fought for
And that's the army's mission.
But if any gay would join in the fray,
They do it on one condition:
They'll have to fight for freedom in the closet.
They'll have to fight for freedom in the closet.
If you would serve your nation
With your orientation,
Hide the Japanese sarong,
Can't the Judy Garland song.
Freedom must be fought for in the closet.
In the Privacy Zone
We will leave you all alone.
We won't tap your phone
(Unless good cause is shown).
You'll be safe with your own
In this very special zone,
In the zone that's better known as The Closet.»
So everybody back into the closet.
Everybody back into the closet.
And when you're on maneuvers
You'll peek through the louvers
At the straights who get to be
Exactly who they are, while we
Get to serve our country
And maybe catch a bullet
And possibly meet our maker in the closet.