Hey Bobby Bobby Dole / A Bobby Dole Bobby
Hey Bobby Bobby Bobby / A Bobby Dole.
[Dole:] My name is Bob Dole,
[Rapper:] Whassup?
[Dole:] The former leader of the legislature,
The only human without a human nature.
My enemies call me vicious, vindictive and mean
But I'm so good at fundraising…it's almost obscene.
[Rapper:] Yo, how do you fill up the kitty?
[Dole:] It's called a Political Action Committees.
They call me the PAC Man, PAC Man.
PAC Man? PAC Man.
PAC Man, PAC Man.
They give and I take. Come on. We're all adults.
When they give and they give and they give
They want results.
And nobody gets results like the PAC Man, PAC Man.
I'm a powerful gent
(Though no one is quite sure who it is I represent)
[Rapper:] Yo, Lemme me ask you something-
Why did five tobacco companies give you sixty thousand bucks
When everyone knows there's no tobacco grown in Kansas?
[Dole:] Well…these companies grow tobacco.
To me that makes 'em farmers.
And I support the farmer.
That's my answer.
It's not the farmer, it's the crops that cause the cancer…
And emphysema. [BG: Yes, we see.]
And over half of their donation
Was to the Dole Foundation,
Which gives to various charities,
Including Lung Disease.
So gosh! If they cause it and they cure it, it's a wash.
And think of tobacco's benefits:
Jobs in the fields for the people who pick.
Jobs in the hospitals, caring for the sick.
Jobs in the medical research laboratories,
The mortuaries, cemeteries, the crematories.
[Rapper:] Man, I'm gonna be sick.
[Dole:] Exports to the Third World, especially to the young,
Are reducing our trade deficit lung by lung by lung.
[Rapper:] So, when five tobacco PACs offer ya sixty thou
To get their hands on Government-grown tobacco for free,
What do you do?
[Dole:] I take the money and I say, «We'll see.»
Now…There's been no agreement.
Nothing was signed.
A quid pro quo was never defined.
So when I voted their way you couldn't say that there had been a trade
Or that my efforts on their behalf were 'cause of the bribes they paid..
[Rapper:] Excuse me?
[Dole:] I mean, the donation they made…
[Rapper:] Cool.
[Dole:] Look, whatever you wanna call it
When they reach down in their wallet,
It's perfectly legal and it's how the game is played.
And nobody plays it better than (with Rapper) the PAC Man, PAC Man.
PAC Man, PAC Man.
PAC Man, PAC Man.
They give and they give and they give and I take.
Big deal!
You wanna reform? They wanna reform!
Get real!
The PACs are one of the perks, one of the quirks.
PACs are how the system works.
They can't take that away from me,
[BG:] No, they can't take that away from you!
[Rapper:] Now the sugar industry has got the Snack PAC.
The auto makers have the Cadillac PAC.
The Beer Institute has got the Six PAC.
The Sierra Club has got the Back PAC.
AT&T has got the Phone PAC.
[Dole:] Here's my favorite: I've got my own PAC!
Campaign America.-
[Rapper:] It's got a bit of a ring.
[Dole:] It's also got a million to help me do my thing.
See, I spread it to Senators who's votes I wanna buy… .
[Rapper:] Excuse me?
[Dole:] I mean, I give to valued colleagues cause I'm such a nice guy.
[Rapper:] Oh. Cool.
[Dole:] Call me angry or obstructive but nobody can say
That Bob Dole doesn't pay.
Cause I'm (with Rapper) the PAC Man, PAC Man.
PAC Man, PAC Man.
PAC Man, PAC Man.
I give and I give and I give and they take. They're mine.
They stick their integrity where the sun don't shine.
[Rapper:] It's not what the Founding Fathers had in mind…
[Dole:] But hey! It's a system of checks and balances.
You write a check.
I check your balance.
And then I use my talents
To piggyback whatever it is you say
Onto whatever the hell it is we're voting on today.
[Rapper:] Hey, Bobby Bobby Dole. Bobby Dole.
[All:] So, now that we've brought the facts about the PACs to light,
[Dole:] God Bless America!
[All:] Goodnight.