I have a problem I need help
someone please give it to me
I have no control of my tongue,
my tongue has control of me
It wakes up everyday hours before me,
ready to start the day
Doesn’t want to be cleaned, doesn’t want to eat,
just wants to go out and play
I can’t stop licking everything
from Jungle Gyms to children’s swings
To the book of Scientology
to this random ladies food baby
Don’t let me go into a store, my tongue will have a shopping spree
This is why I have no friends
And no remaining family
cause they are freaked out by me oh no
Maybe I can make the best of this
I can work at the post office
Or keep your window Spic ‘n Span
Keep ice cream from dripping on your hand
Help my housekeeper with dishes
Help her clean hard to reach places
Maybe this curse can be a blessing
Maybe I should take a strip of duct tape
and force it to go away
But my tongue can break through anything
and it’s never gonna stop licking
from dirty toilet seats to figurines,
I’ll even lick my grandma’s pussy
The world is my lolipop and I’m never gonna stop,
nothing can get in my way,
no matter what you say to me.
Milers! What damn tarnation are you doing?
You can’t go around licking everything.
You know you have a peanut allergy.
Sweet Niblets
Except maybe a peanut allergy,
oh no now I’m seizuring
oh oh I think I’m dying,
oh no, no more licking.
Oh! IS she dead?
I reckon she is.
We’re terrible parents.
Jinx.