Everybody shut up! (:-o)
Everyone listen up!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey! (Turn me up)
If you can't write in the proper way (lousy writer),
If you don't know how to conjugate,
Maybe you flunked that class
And maybe now you find
That people mock you online.
(Everybody wise up!)
Okay, now here's the deal:
I'll try to educate you,
Gonna familiarize
You with the nomenclature (meow),
You'll learn the definitions
Of nouns and prepositions.
Literacy's your mission
And that's why I think it's a good time
To learn some grammar (wut)
(Now, did I stammer?)
Work on that grammar.
You should know when
It's «less» or it's «fewer,»
Like people who were
Never raised in a sewer.
I hate these word crimes
Like «I could care less.»
That means you do care,
At least a little.
Don't be a moron!
You'd better slow down
And use the right pronoun,
Show the world you're no clown.
Say you've got an «i-t»
Followed by apostrophe, «s»
Now, what does that mean?
You would not use «it’s» in this case
As a possessive. (No, no, no!)
It's a contraction. (Yeah, yeah, yeah!)
What's a contraction?
Well, it's the shortening of a word or a group of words
By omission of a sound or letter.
Okay, now here are some notes:
Syntax you’re always mangling.
No X in «espresso.»
Your participle's danglin'
But I don't want your drama,
If you really wanna,
Leave out that Oxford comma,
Just keep in mind that
«be», «see», «are», «you»
Are words, not letters.
Get it together!
Use your spell checker.
You should never
Write words using numbers
Unless you're seven
Or your name is Prince.
I hate these word crimes
(I hate them crimes).
You really need a (I hate them crimes)
Full-time proofreader (I mean those crimes),
You dumb mouth-breather.
Well, you should hire
Some cunning linguist
To help you distinguish
What is proper English.
(Everybody wise up!)
One thing I ask of you,
Time to learn your homophones is past due.
Learn to diagram a sentence, too,
Always say «to whom;»
Don't ever say «to who.»
And listen up when I tell you this,
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis.
You finished second grade;
I hope you can tell
If you're doing good or doing well.
You'd better figure out the difference,
Irony is not coincidence.
And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
About what's figurative and what's literal.
Oh, but just now, you said
You «literally couldn't get out of bed.» (What!?)
That really makes me want to literally
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head!
I read your e-mail.
It's quite apparent,
Your grammar's errant.
You're incoherent.
Saw your blog post
It's really fantastic!
(that was sarcastic) (Oh, psych!)
’Cause you write like a spastic
I hate these word crimes.
Your prose is dopey.
Think you should only
Write in emoji
Oh, you're a lost cause
Go back to preschool
Get out of the gene pool
Try your best to not drool.
Never mind, I give up.
Really now, I give up.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
Go away!